I just submitted an application to intern with this dreamy boutique consulting firm in Paris that works with some really cool people + names. Please, please, please lucky stars, let this happen.
“…Slavery was a system of “corrective violence.” Colonialism was a system of “corrective violence.” Apartheid was a system of “corrective violence.” Jim Crow was a system of “corrective violence.” Reservations are a system of “corrective violence.” Deportation and detention centers are “corrective violence.” Correctional violence is violence performed by individuals who are representatives of the state (read white men); it is used to correct the non-state sanctioned violence performed by deviant bodies. The U.S. leads the world in number of prisons in operation and of citizens incarcerated. The U.S. legal, policing, and prison systems—justice systems—are systems of “correctional violence.” Black, Brown and Native men, and oftentimes Black, Brown and Native women are always deemed the deviant bodies in need of policing and correcting… The history of racial violence in this country necessitates attention. It requires that we connect each gunned down Black man with each—raped woman of color, beaten and harassed Trans person, Muslim person called a terrorist and stripped of their civil rights, and every U.S. deportee. Race is a thing and an issue because it has been made that way by systems of corrective violence.””
A side scribble, but – Can you love a person but not be in love with them? I ran into this curious thought experiment when I ran petrified to a friend, telling them how someone had just told me that they loved me. He then said, as if it was as natural and ordinary as freshly mown grass, that there is most certainly a difference. According to this friend, you can love all the people in the world, from your family to your friends to your dog. You can just have love in your heart and feel it. But the difference is that with being in love, you can only be in love with one person. You are in it because you’ve helplessly, irrationally fallen head over heals for someone, and only a great amount of heartache will carry you out of that. In, out. // I’ve found time and time again that making the trip between southern California and Hanover has done strange things to my self-confidence related to aesthetic beauty. Often, it’s been the case that I feel significantly more attractive on the West Coast, specifically around southern California. This is partially because, unlike Hanover, there is a rich presence of people of color, making it easier to see the intersection of beauty + color. In Hanover, on the other hand, I’ve repeatedly felt less attractive because I know so many people have either subscribed to the singular standard of white beauty, or are not romantically interested in people of color. This is everything I’ve felt up until this break, because it’s all changed. I don’t know how the shift exactly happened, but I feel that Hanover has allowed me a space to re-define/build myself in a way that I am not constantly being contextualized like I am here in Orange County. // Look, I’m getting overly sentimental (what else in new?), but I’ve been home for about four days now and I swear, something about coming back to this place, this little nestled bed of suburbia felt different this time around. The more I come back to this side of the country, it makes me think that I won’t be here after graduation. Maybe I’ll be in San Francisco, but my heart is itching to be in NYC come two years’ time. And this is coming from the girl who thought she’d always return back to her home state for the longest time. When people asked me whether or not I was going to return to California after graduation, I was always the first to nod a vigorous yes. But now? It’s the last thing I want. I like that people talk more quickly on the East Coast – it totally explains the difference in mentality. California, though a haven for late night drives, spacious Spanish casas, and never-ending sunshine, has grown to feel too laid-back, too aimless. God, I sound (and very possibly am) pretentious out of my mind, and I’m (too) okay with that. Don’t get me wrong, California’s heavenly and I’m so lucky to have had the opportunity to grow up here. // A part of me is so terrifyingly sad that 14X is over. I’m so entirely stoked for the fall, but also nervous for what it may bring. (Mostly excited, though.) // With 11 days left until I head back to Hanover, I’m determined to make the most of my time here despite my (minor) complaints. I intend on - getting my hair cut + grabbing various lunches, dinners, and coffees with friends + re-reading Freedom by J Franzen + finding a winternship + traipsing around LA + exploring more vegan restaurants. // Adieu, lovelies. Happy weekend!
— Neil Gaiman (via psych-facts)
Tonight is a night to write.